I feel kind of lame for it, but I really love Ayn Rand quotes. I can't help but relate to most of the things she says.

Love is an expression and assertion of self-esteem, a response to one's own values in the person of another. One gains a profoundly personal, selfish joy from the mere existence of the person one loves. It is one's own personal, selfish happiness that one seeks, earns, and derives from love.

Love is the expression of one's values, the greatest reward you can earn for the moral qualities you have achieved in your character and person, the emotional price paid by one man for the joy he receives from the virtues of another.

It's really true. I only really find anyone attractive after enjoying some aspect of them. Whether it's the way that they look or the way they hold themselves, something is obviously needed to spur that attraction (or I'd be attracted to everyone). I value logic, beauty, underlying modesty, competence, temperance, fortitude, and prudence (to be honest, not so much justice)... I wish I could represent all of these things, so I strive for that.

If I love anyone, they hold these values. I admire them, hold them in high regard, and want to be with them in hopes some of that will be associated with me/rub off on me.

I think the worst feeling is having committed to a relationship (sexual or otherwise), and realizing that something wasn't there that you originally thought was. I assume logic is somewhere inside of them as I, panicked, attempt to rationalize or justify what they think according to the personality that I've made concrete in my head. It's more a feeling of embarrassment than anything, as usually it's the result of some kind of projection, misinterpreted message, or belief of some lie or something. It's just such a depressing, breaking moment. Usually results in some loss of respect for the person- but it seems so selfish when I write it down. But like Rand says, it's a really selfish happiness in the first place.

Maybe I like her quotes for the justification purposes- but really, why couldn't I come to such a concrete solution myself? I know I don't like grey areas, but I guess something like love can't be so objective.

The swimming was awesome! I had such a great time! I can swim a bit now, and I have more confidence because I could swim from the shallow end to the ladder at the deep end.

I just got back from a jog and a 5 hour nap. Usually when I jog, I get to Tim Hortons, stop for a coffee, and then go back. When I go to Tim Hortons, I usually sit there for 2 hours with my friends and chat about stuff. Well, today, we meet a lady who has a lot to say about some pretty interesting subjects. We mostly talking about social welfare- but her phone and tattoos came into question as well.

So, she mentions Coast to Coast AM. I love this radio show, but really, the listeners never have a complete understanding of the topics and get this biased point of view from the guests. I feel bad to hear anyone quote a show or something they've watched as fact and opinion without gathering anything else about the subject (Note: The Gordon Freeman call). I mean, I thought it was nice that she picked up on a few things that was mentioned, but to say that it's the gospel truth is a huge long shot.

She say some things about the American financial reform stuff that's being looked at and how they're throwing in some ban on natural supplements in that pile of stuff. She tells me that no one in the government has read these things and that they're going to sign it unknowingly- and I find this very far from the truth.

I may be at fault for having faith in humanity, and I may be at fault for respecting politicians- but I think I'm in the right in expecting someone to read this before it's passed. It seems remarkably naive to assume no one reads anything and that every politician is a bad person. Nobody up there is stupid. I believe it's exactly the opposite. If they want you to assume they're silly, they're going to try their hardest to help you believe that they're silly. Sarah Palin, for instance, I'm sure she has more up her sleeve. She's probably one of the most powerful women in the United States, even with all her fumbles. Everyone knows her name and face, and everyone has an opinion of her. You know why?

• She's personable and understandable. People can relate to her.
• People can assume they're better than her, giving them the feeling that they're smarter than a vice presidential candidate.
• She's hot for what she is.

Why do people like Paris Hilton? I've previously brought this up to quite a few people. She's making her own millions. She has huge business and I'm sure she would still have it even if she weren't the Hilton heiress she is. She has a commanding attitude and knows how to work the crowd to her favor. I feel embarrassed when people underestimate her.

If you, the wary, politically paranoid, uninvolved Canadian, has heard about what's in this bill- of course the government type peoples have. This is the most embarrassing part. How could anyone possibly assume this. At the most, they just don't care. Why not complain about that? It's a reasonable argument. At the least, they have a completely reasonable explanation why they agree. Overall, you probably have no idea what the rest of the legislature is about and you just heard about this little excerpt from a conspiracy theory radio show. Sit back and think about how stupid you look and how ashamed I feel for nodding at you in, what you'd probably assume to be agreement but, acknowledgement because I rather not be argumentative at midnight in a Tim Hortons over something so absolutely far fetched.

In my opinion, these kind of people can keep going on and assuming something- but they're just going to make an ass out of themselves somewhere down the line. I don't judge them too harshly, but sometimes I just want to stab them in the throat. It turns a generally okay person completely ignorant, but I respect that they're making an effort to try to find answers and excuses. I think it's a matter of acceptance, but that's just me. You can't be too optimistic, but you can't be too pessimistic either. In reality, factual fact and true truth doesn't exist- it's all a matter of opinion.

IN OTHER NEWS

I stole this hat from the drunk guy I checked up on on the way to Tim Hortons. On my way back he had left it there and I guess this is his punishment for passing out on a church doorstep. He was in his work uniform and this is his hat from the security company.

Also, I lost 15 lbs since I last weighed myself. I think I'm sitting at 139? Fuck yeaaahhh. Haven't been this weight since grade 9, sadly I no longer have a butt or boobs.

In other news: I'm not too confident about my English presentation, because I'm sure it was received badly.

I'm 'going swimming' tonight, which promises to be an okay time!

I got my Cirno pin!

Image via Wikipedia

So, the last few days at a glance.

I finished up Sputnik Sweetheart and I'm on to the greatest evil: Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. The only reason I'm picking this gem up is because I've heard so much about it being the most embarrassing, pompous book. I want to read it before I make any further judgement, just like I did with Dianetics (which turns out, wasn't half bad). I respect Objectivism. I'm excited to see how it plays out. It really does sound pretty interesting.

I've had a lot to write in the past few days and I'm not sure how I feel about a lot of things, but that's alright with me. I've been pretty inspired thanks to all this reading I've been doing- so I'm sure some of it will come out somewhere.

School's been alright I guess. I don't have a lot to say about it. I've been making time to actually do projects. As weird as it sounds, I feel good declining plans because I've got other things to do that hold priority. It's a kind of discipline I've never really had. Although it's 5:49am on Saturday, I guess it's fine to loosen your grip on routine just a little bit over the weekend. I am as tired as shit though, so whatever. Hindsight etc. I'm feeling a little bit more crazy lately. I'm not sure if its due to stress or what, but really- I'm not in the soundest of minds. I don't really like divulging this stuff on the internet but it's not like anyone's reading this except for A dog, E dog, and that random follower I have (what up, what up). The crazy is basically myself being able to convince myself of things that I may wonder why I've convinced myself of it later on. Stuff that makes absolutely no sense. I'm not going to get too far into it, but I feel extremely illogical, captain. Completely illogical.

More on Sputnik Sweetheart; the most boring part of the book is the set-up. I found it to be obvious and straight-forward, nothing worth 70 pages of 229. It's a story of a young female drop-out writer, as told by her primary school teacher friend who is in love with her. It sets its self up as a romance novel concerning Sumire (the young female writer), K (the teacher), and Miu, Sumire's love interest who's also female, and a successful, married, business woman. I'm not really in the mood to go over it now- but the story really delves into the metaphysical and deals with a lot of paranormal subjects. To give you the gist; there once was a cat who disappeared into mid-air. Like smoke. It never came back. He loved that cat and it was his first and last.

I'm really very tired. I bought some nice shoes today and I don't even care. I scraped up my leg but I guess it's not a big deal or anything. I feel good.

J.R.R. Tolkien via last.fm. What a jerk.

For me, reading started at an early age. I thought if I knew how to read, I'd know more about the world. It would open doors that were closed with the proverbial lock, and then I’d come to a greater understanding of things. My grandmother had a large, ancient encyclopedia collection that was mostly comprised of general knowledge for farm construction and geography, but I was fascinated when I knew that the information was available and all I needed was the key. I made my way tearing through articles about the Queen, log fences, chicken coops, and Albania. All which proved to be completely useless with my future endeavors, but I suppose it was the first fuel my tank took.

My mother was interested in collecting books for a display library, but I spent a lot of time reading most of them. I took myself through Romeo and Juliet in third grade, and attempted to tackle The Count of Monte Cristo during late grade seven. My single friend and I thought of each other to be mavericks. We enjoyed reading, much unlike our peers, and assumed it to be the best thing imaginable. Our test scores just went on to prove that we were reading far beyond our, then current, level. Our egotism knew no bounds. We took part in every reading circle and book club, completed every book weeks before the rest, and exceeded countless expectations (yet, not reaching our own).

I remember the nights I crawled into bed with my book lamp and novels. I spent a number of hours listening to a small hand-held radio and watching my books in my head. I can recall the fabric I believed Mr. Wonka's coat to be tailored from, the smell of smoky dragon's eggs, and the thrilling suspense that was scattered throughout the drama I flung myself into.

I was always a part of the story residing in the shell of a like character, the character I felt most similar to. Even after I put a book down, I spent a good amount of time sketching up concepts I had previously read about. I made my own characters in those worlds and created stories surrounding them. I could almost understand their reality better than my own. These nights in silence really proved to me that I could appreciate literature with my inner voice rather than anything audible. I could pick up the slightest nuances, understand main points, and completely immerse myself in another reality.

Once, my dad attempted to read the Hobbit to me, and I think that’s where I cultivated my dislike for anything Tolkien. Although Tolkien is well known for his descriptive landscapes, deep-rooted characters, and expansive plot, nothing materialized before me. It didn’t make sense to me why I, being the great reader that I was, even with my interest in novels, did not enjoy something as simple and as famous as The Hobbit. My interest in listening to books quickly declined when I realized it was the problem. I was hesitant to lose track of reality and was too busy thinking about other subjects to actually understand anything he was speaking about.

I continue to read books only to myself, by myself. I find it less stressful and enjoy being alone with my thoughts. Reading out loud is saved for only times of utter desperation; times where I can’t understand what’s being conveyed and will probably continue in that misunderstanding after I attempt to read it out loud.

I still hold the confidence I once had, but I’m far too out of practice to be as proud. My reading friend and I have since grown apart. If I had continued reading with the same enthusiasm as I once had, would my only friends be books? I often think about it, but assume the position that it’s not exactly the healthiest game to play.

I am picking up books more often now, although I can’t look at them in the same light as I did. Adjusting to realities becomes more and more of an unneeded challenge while you’re, in reality, adjusting to realities. Escape is a pretentious concept. Maybe once I better adjust myself, there will be room for improvement. As it stands, I’m confident with my ability to get through what I must. The problem lies in what I must not.

---------

Don't laugh, I hammed it up.

Just finished my book. Will report back tomorrow.

http://pc.bokumono.com/information.html

New harvest moon esque game is a farmville clone? Nooo...

Image by metaphorge via Flickr

"its fuckin dark out now WTF is going on here? i thought we're supposed to be the great white north, its fuckin hot as africa up in here now"

Quote.

The Dog

Greatest thing about that George Foreman grill is that it makes such uniform amazing Grilled Cheese. I could eat these Grilled Cheeses all day and night and they would be equally as delicious and great as the first time I discovered the magic that is George Forman Grilled Cheese.

We slept in today till about 8:00, which was a terrible thing on our part. I had my alarm set for six but ended waking up, shutting it off, and then going back to bed. Finally got in there at 9, but it did not seem like we missed much. I hope we will not make a habit out of it though, I love it how we both went back to bed independently.

The book I'm reading is mediocre. I've recently come to the discovery that if I finish it, I can converse about it. I can talk about how I didn't enjoy it to its fullest extent. Emily picked up Kafka on the Shore, and frankly, I'm envious. It seems a lot more interesting than some lame odd-pair lesbian love story. I hope it gets interesting soon. I'm maybe 30% of the way finished.

I'm going to finish my homework and continue to catch up on the summer 2010 season. Maybe get some actual art in instead of this circle jerk jp stuff.

WALK LIKE AN EGYPTIAN//

WALK LIKE AN EGYPTIAN//

Gladiator sandals are so ugly, but I guess there isn't a good looking sandal.

It's way too hot to do anything. I want to go to port tomorrow, but I don't really have any money or anything to do there.

After taking jp's advice I worked on this Marisa (touhou) line art. I didn't realize I skewed so bad and decided to redo it. It's not that terrible. I'm going to color it before I post it again, though.

わたしわあまりホット。。。

天気あまりホット。。。

The summer season started on July 1st, and I'm still catching up with Japan's spring season. It's so annoying because I'm going to have to catch up on a lot so I can watch it as its released.

I'm first and foremost going to follow Amagami SS, and Highschool of the Dead. Mitsudomoe looks a little too perverted loli for me, but I'm going to try to follow it a little.

Seitokai Yakuinmodo looks good, but I think it's trying a bit too hard. I really enjoy slice-of-life romance, but ehhhh... It doesn't look too engaging.

Okami-san to Shichin no Nakama-tachi is basically one of those fairy-tale animes with all the characters in it and everything... Ehh. I'll check it out. I'm pretty sure it's by the same studio who did ToraDora (considering one of the characters is basically... a taller Taiga...), so I'm a little excited to see how it plays out.

In other news: Where did Emily go? I went and had a nap and now she's gone. Even more strange because I think she left when I was still awake and I just didn't notice.

Oh well.

I am reading this book called Sputnik Sweetheart. Em and I got books by Haruki Murakami. I originally wanted another title, but I guess they didn't have it. It's about lesbians and it's not so bad, I guess.

How is my computer surviving this heat?

I guess I should shower and get started on that English essay. I like being at school more so than being at home because of the lack of an air conditioner here. I think we might all die in our sleep.

Hi

It occurred to me recently (and apparently occurred to my comrades) that I use facebook as a blog.

I'm not sure how to take that, but here I am.